Healthspan

Life’s ultimate upgrade path where your body is a limited-time offer, transforming FOMO into a ten-minute, platitude-stuffed video series—don't forget to smash the like button and hit subscribe! "Check out these tips for optimizing your Healthspan—also, scroll down for a 10% discount on the magic potion I’m hyping!"

Admittedly an admirable concept, straddling the fine line between promising too much and doing too little, packaged under a buzzword that makes you wish you could prescribe more caution in hype. "Discussing Healthspan is great, as long as we remember it doesn’t guarantee freedom from crossing off all the appropriate medical disclaimers."

A marketing term that really means 'the time before everything hurts,' promising you can avoid turning into a creaky old hypothesis faster than you can say 'confounding variables.' "Until there’s a randomized control trial on Healthspan that doesn’t just use mice, I’ll treat it like Loch Ness: possibly intriguing but mostly speculative science fiction."