Healthspan

Think of it as the encore to that near-misstep where you almost became part of the health statistics—now you’re breaking records and knocking sense into everyone at a TED Talk pace. "Once I extended my Healthspan, I realized I didn’t have time to wait for success stories—I had to become one!"

The period in which your body's warranty hasn't yet expired and your cells are humming along like a well-oiled machine, right before the inevitable cosmic decision of brand-new immortality codecs becomes a reality. "Healthspan is just the prelude—I mean, my main goal is being older than dirt while feeling as fresh as a daisy!"

A marketing term that really means 'the time before everything hurts,' promising you can avoid turning into a creaky old hypothesis faster than you can say 'confounding variables.' "Until there’s a randomized control trial on Healthspan that doesn’t just use mice, I’ll treat it like Loch Ness: possibly intriguing but mostly speculative science fiction."